I ask you to please play the music above in SoundCloud or youtube. Thank you. ~ Natalie

I humbly ask you to please play the music to this piece. Thank you. ~ Natalie
Here again
Asking of something
Deeper
Of myself
In a state of limbo
A loss
Of myself
In many ways
Philosophers
Have tried
To put
These feelings
Into words.
But the words
Don’t quite
Express the feeling
John Barry
The music composer
Captured this feeling in
“I am not the man I seem”
Therefore
“I am not the woman I seem”
Since my return
From the life
That instills
The very life
I crave and grieve for
I can’t always accept
The melancholy
But face it
Walking hand in hand with it
The Weltschmerz
Accepting
Of one’s sorrow
As just a portion
Of our lives
Well that
Has already
Come to pass in the past
And I am branded
With the pain and angst
Of Weltschmerz
Austin Tappan Wright
In the Utopian Novel
“Islandia” wrote:
“It was not boredom.
It was something deeper
And more sinister,
Corroding the moment
If not wholly.
Now one or
Another generality
Seemed to explain
My case for a moment.
But failed in the end.
I did suffer
And I cannot
Even describe it.”
Nothing hurts; physically
But the grief is palpable
Only
Ubiquitous Shadows
Dancing
In strange corners
My gaiety is suffering
Whispering…
Nothing I care
To listen to,
To do,
To experience
But only write…
John Stuart Mill wrote:
“I was in a dull
State of nerves,
Such as everybody
Is occasionally liable to.
Unsusceptible to enjoyment or
Pleasurable excitement;
One of those moods
When what is pleasure
At other times,
Becomes insipid or
Indifferent; the state
I should think,
In which converts
To Methodism
Usually are,
When smitten by their first
“Conviction of Sin.”
That is the culprit,
Our first “Conviction of Sin”.
Trying to remain
On a higher euphoria
Of the past;
And In the future
Wanting to capture it on a daily basis
Wanting to capture it on a daily basis
Though I really
Don’t like the word sin;
Especially sinner.
It’s insulting,
At the very least.
At the very most,
It can cause havoc
With your thoughts.
Self judgement
By someone else’s
Barometer is really giving
All your willful power away
To someone else or
Something that doesn’t
Have to make your life harder.
But as I said
And I will do
Walking hand in hand
With my melancholy…
~ Natalie
04.25.2017.366
08.17.2017.473