The Scurrilous of His Baneful Antics and Vices
How many times could I avoid re-editing this chapter of my life that ultimately caused me the most pain. The angst was deep within, churning in tumultuous turmoil in the subconscious. It eventually had to surface, re-living it only made me angrier. Very conveniently the mind tucks it away in the super subconscious; only triggered by someone else’s pain; re-visiting the most excruciating moment of the past.
In Haughty Temptuous Disdain
She Remained In Crucible
Deep In Angst
Spun In The Chrysalis
Into the Bellicose
Spun In the Chrysalis
The Afoul just Awful
As Helpless Feels
Lorie assumed her ties to Santa Fe and everything else she loved would stay the same. But that was going to end and become imminently painful. Raymond’s younger brother was getting married and they asked her to be a flower girl with Raymond as her escort. Nick and Janis agreed. It was a one-day event. She wore a deep purple velvet dress with Lilac chiffon. She’d put on lilac eye shadow, mascara, and wore pink lipstick for the first time. The corsages were filled with Lilac and Irises. It was a big wedding and they had hired a local Spanish band to play the popular Spanish Rancheras and current pop songs.
“I felt more like a princess that night than when I had been voted the ‘Sweetheart Queen’.”
For the first time, Raymond held her hand and he didn’t call her Blacky, his nick name for her, but looked rather serious. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine Raymond would hold her hand. She’d never experienced having a boyfriend. Then they danced to a few slow songs and that made her feel different inside. She felt him brushing up against her hair and smelling it. It’s a good thing she’d washed her hair. When the time came to eat the normal Spanish entrees; red and green enchiladas, tacos, Spanish rice, tamales and beans, Lorie didn’t eat her usual portion. When she and Raymond stepped outside to get some fresh air, he asked her a few questions about herself and then he asked if he could kiss her. Lorie said yes and prepared herself; it was her first kiss and with Raymond no less. He kissed her so softly that she felt her world spinning. They came up for air and then he kissed her again with his arms around her waist and her arms around his shoulders and neck. They started laughing, both finding it a little embarrassing, but it was romantic, or at least Lorie thought so. Of course, she had nothing to compare it with, but it was so soft and she felt safe in his arms. He asked her if she would be his steady girlfriend and she said yes. He later bought her a promise ring.
They moved after the school year ended, but that wasn’t going to deter Raymond; he drove down for a visit in his candy red Ford Fairlane. It made a loud noise like a suped-up car. Nick was angry and Janis didn’t say much. Lorie went to the front door to let him in.
“The memory of this still so vivid in my mind. I remember walking to the front door to let Raymond in. As if Raymond was going to solve all my issues at home. How many of us make that first mistake.”
He came in and shook Nick and Janis’s hands. Nick came right to the point. “I don’t want Lorie dating you. You are four years older than her and she needs to think of school.”
So, Lorie thought, now suddenly, he was concerned about her education but not enough to save one government bond for her education; how hypocritical of Nick. Raymond said to him “I can understand your concerns, but I am asking if I can go out with your daughter with your permission and not to go behind your back to see her.” This was an excellent point Raymond made and she marveled at his genius and quick response. “This way you know where she is and I will bring her home at the right time.”
Lorie was delighted that Raymond had stood up to Nick in such a direct and eloquent way. It was priceless to see Nick’s face and Lorie was sure that Janis was impressed.
Lorie had the whole summer to spend with Raymond going back to Santa Fe and continuing to visit with her girlfriends. Raymond even took her to the drag races in Albuquerque and he invited her to sit in the passenger seat for the last race. She said yes, so he had her put on a helmet and buckled her in securely. They were going to race against a guy from Albuquerque who drove a white car. It was a close finish but they beat him with the black Nova. Afterwards, they celebrated by having dinner at a decent restaurant. Lorie was excited; she talked the entire time and he smiled and laughed.
Then Raymond told her, “Lorie, I love you and I’m not kidding.” He continued, “I’m not expecting you to say it until you really feel it.” But how was a 14-year-old girl supposed to feel, when only ten years ago she was playing with Billie Joe Moses having tea at her house? So school started in the new town. It was a dreadful place. For Lorie it felt like going back in time. There was not a lot of emphasis placed on education, career, community, exercise, etc. It was simply backwards. Nine out of ten men in the town were alcoholics. Nick was in a car pool, which gave him the green light to drink more and for Janis to continue ranting and raving.
One of the most vivacious and chivalrous friends Lorie made in the new town was Cher’rie. No, not Cherrie, it was pronounced like the French would pronounce it, Cher’rie. She immediately impressed Lorie with her gumption and tenacity. She was also the stepdaughter of the wealthiest man in the northern hemisphere, or at least that’s what Lorie thought. They were rich and this was made obvious by the house they lived in; they even had maids. Cher’rie said, “Lorie I came from the bright lights of Atlanta, to the twinkling lights of Santa Fe, then to the burned out light bulb of Espanola.” Lorie agreed with her and from that point they found they had everything in common, including alcoholism in the family and being a stepdaughter. Cher’rie’s stepfather never abused her physically, but he and her mother did drink. Lorie wished she’d been that lucky.
Everything that Lorie had been at the school in Santa Fe, she wasn’t in the new school or town. It was difficult to find a set of friends so when Yolanda, Debbie and later Cher’rie came along, Lorie was grateful to be friends with them. But the school did not have a good reputation and she soon became singled out, the new girl who would be teased, disliked, and different.
She became depressed because everything she’d had and was in Santa Fe; was now gone. But she still had Raymond who, a couple of times a week, would pick her up from school and they’d go for a burger and coke. He was already working as a full-time mechanic and making good money. Lorie’s grades dropped precipitously. She was called a ‘square’ because she didn’t drink or go around chasing boys; she didn’t fit in. The worst was the loss of time and loss of her potential.
Then there was the dreaded time where someone in the school had to shame Lorie in the presence of others in the hallway after class. Roxanne was her name and Lorie had no idea why she disliked her. She did have a boyfriend and Lorie assumed that was her beef with her. Lorie didn’t care about any boys in the school; she and Raymond were going steady at a comfortable pace. Roxanne pushed Lorie against the locker. After she handed her books to Yolanda, Lorie grabbed Roxanne and threw her hard to the ground; she only managed to punch her once before the teachers got involved, but Lorie was grateful for that intervention. The brawl proved Lorie could defend herself and that gave her the peace she needed to finish the school year, despite still being so unhappy.
Lorie hated the school, the people, the town and Nick for placing her in such a nightmare. She became quiet, inward, and depressed. Meanwhile in the new house he continued to arrive home already drunk. He was commuting back and forth to work in Santa Fe with five other men in the carpool. At the end of the day they stopped at the liquor store for beer and hard liquor to relax. Lorie on the other hand, was trying to come up with a plan to go back to Santa Fe, assuming her life would return to normal and she would finish the school there.
Lorie asked Nick if she could join the carpool so they could drop her off and pick her up at school. This wasn’t feasible for a number of reasons, but the first one was that she might put a crimp on their after work drinking.
It seemed that Nick wanted Lorie to have a chance at going back, or perhaps he just wanted to get her out of his hair. He had an older sister named Emma who was a beautician and worked for a beauty salon in downtown Santa Fe. The owners were a mother and daughter team who also worked in their salon; they were Vivian and Millie. They were quite the duo. They lived in a big house and took in boarders. It was all arranged and Lorie helped out with everything. She cleaned the salon after school. She washed the poodles, trimmed their hair and Vivian was so complimentary. She’d say, “Mom, look how cute the babies look after Lorie bathes and primps them.” She’d put red bows on their ears and shape their hair with clippers. She helped Millie bake pies which were never eaten, but that didn’t stop them from making another pie the following week.
Lorie took Tabitha for walks. Tabitha was a medium-sized dog who looked like a German Shepherd. She loved to walk her and found the dog became very protective of her. Late one evening when they were walking, a man heading in the opposite direction crossed the street and started following Tabitha and Lorie. Once he was within 20 feet, Tabitha went into full guard dog mode. She jumped and was pulling hard on the leash. Lorie held on tight to her, but knew she was trying to protect her. Lorie was afraid that Tabitha would chase the man out onto the street where there were oncoming cars, but Tabitha scared the man off.
Vivian was vivacious. She looked almost like Lucille Ball with her red hair pinned up. When Lorie sat with Vivian, Millie and the dogs in the living room, Vivian would shared a story with Lorie. “Mom” asking Millie, her mother, who was 90, “Do you remember that day that the cops came?”
“Mom, get up we’re being raided.”
Millie, “For what in God’s name?”
Vivien, “For the plants Julie and that good for nothing were tending to.”
Apparently Vivian’s only daughter and son-in-law were growing marijuana plants in the house and the backyard; Vivian and Millie didn’t have a clue about it until they were raided.
Lorie went back to school in Santa Fe. Yet she felt more lost there than she had during the previous school year. Her friends changed. Maybe she had changed as well. Again she felt out of place. Santa Fe High had its own share of problems. And she became less interested in Raymond. The relationship was coming to an end and he knew it. Lorie couldn’t see herself finishing school and then getting married. A senior boy who had some great friends asked Lorie to the prom. She accepted his invitation and Raymond was not at all happy. He began stalking her and once he waited at Vivian and Millie’s for Lorie and the new boy she was starting to date. Raymond wanted to challenge him and start a fight. The new boy was able to drop her off and she confronted Raymond. She told him she wanted to finish school, go to college and not get married. So Raymond enlisted in the Navy and completely went away. In the meantime his niece, Catherine, sided with him and she and Lorie exchanged heated words. That was the deciding factor, she no longer tried to stay with that group of friends. She took her GED exam and passed with flying colors. She changed her birth date and filled out applications for a decent job in state government. She passed the typing test with flying colors too so she was in the top 10 roster. She started interviewing immediately. At this time, she had no moral support from anyone, except from Cher’rie from time to time.
I debated with myself to share this brutal experience which ultimately lead to my decision to be estranged from Nick and Janis. It was the accumulation of being exposed to such dysfunctional behavior. Janis would become my biggest enemy and she was something to come to terms with. She was colder and sometimes more callous than Nick. I became her confidant, where Janis acted like the real person she was and could be very mean.
It took me years to suppress the abuse and honestly never thinking about it until I started experiencing depression. At age of 29, I started remembering. One memory at a time. Then again I tucked away all the bad memories until now these past two years. I now understand the horrific experiences and try to comprehend how all this affected me deeply.
The next brutality occurred when I was fifteen years old and came home after one o’clock am. I remember using the keys and very carefully started to unlock and open the door as quietly as possible, so as not to wake anyone up, especially Nick. But Nick had been drinking the entire evening. Lorie tiptoed to her bedroom and locked the door behind her. It was only a few moments later that she heard Nick enraged and stomping down the hallway. He kicked the door in. The door swung open with such force the door knob made a hole in the wall. Nick grabbed her by the hair and started pounding her head on the old upright piano. Hitting and kicking her until finally Janis intervened. This was the first time she’d ever become involved; physically! By that time I was on the floor experiencing a dissociative state. I lay there, speechless. Janis had the presence of mind to take me to the hospital perhaps thinking I was suffering from a concussion. Whatever it was Janis said to the authorities was enough to protect Nick. Rather than defending Nick she should have called the police, had him arrested and thrown in jail.
Nick kept his guns in the front closet; the 20/20 was always loaded. Why didn’t I get hold of that gun and shoot him? But I didn’t I was in a state of shock. The police would have seen how disheveled I was and noticed my nose was bleeding. Her head pounded as a result of the violent attack. It was a heartless and insane situation I found myself in. But what proceeds will knock your socks off. Because I did persevere and finally removed myself from their presence of pure evil. Janis was going to become the biggest villain with all her narcissistic spite. She would turn on me in the most awful way. But that would be the last time Nick layed a finger on me.
As A Child
Well Into Adulthood
In The Deepest
Then One Day
The Remembrance Comes Calling
Continue the story with Where there is pain, there is humor
A Past from NatsWritingsMind on natswritings.com or nataliekeshing.com
©Natalie Keshing, Editor-in-Chief, natswritings.com or nataliekeshing.com